Dealing with the thoughts

Spoken with a broken melody
I made a deal
Was it the right thing to do?
Time will tell
When the pages of the future
have become the past
I hope it will see me in brilliant color
not in the black and white of the facade
Will my sacrifices and dreams be worthwhile
Or will they fade into the memory of only those
who lived it?
Do we write our own stories or are they written for us
I've often wondered
What is the key that transposes us and transports us
to the focus on reality that makes us who we are?
What is the contract with ourselves that gives us
the right to express and feel the emotions of daily life?
Sometimes I feel that the contract within myself is broken
that I feel nothing and yet feel everything too deeply to express
I seek to determine which side of me is correct, the side that represses
or the side that lets it all go
If I were to break a fantasy into pieces would I discover who I am?
Or would I find myself a broken twisted past? Parted and Discarded?
I look into the fantasy's that I create in my mind to find
the pieces of myself that I fear to express..
Do I express love enough? Perhaps
Do I express sadness? Only briefly
No, not entirely true..
As I reach out, I strike a match and see the flames
the flames of those whose fires burn close to mine
These lights, candles glow in the protected shelter
of the twilight of my soul I suppose..
I spend my days trying to make sure their lives are easier
Their lights glow brighter and their feelings are respected
At the same time, I find myself feeling more alone
Perhaps it's because I cut myself away ?
Or perhaps it's because I just feel that there is no other way.
So I place myself as a shield and guard them..
Perhaps if I succeed the world will fly into the face of reality