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Literature Text
I stare into your eyes, beguiled by their clarity
Every part of you, a majestic mystery
My mind longing to know your wish
Longing for that sweet, gentle kiss
Your lips move but it's my heart, that is listening,
while outside, a pallid moon is glistening.
I feel such a need to please you,
to show how this dream can become true.
A shooting star chases the night
My eyes catch yours, a breathless sight
My heart skips a subtle beat
My cheeks flush with a slow heat
I seem to end up this way each time we meet,
my heart skipping its own way, off down the street.
Our night together has only just begun,
with hearts beating fast beneath a moonlit sun.
I lean so close to you, my fingers brush your face
Teasing your lips tenderly, my heart starts to race
Feeling emotions rushing deep within
Thoughts outpacing my will again
Our eyes meet and we don't want to look away,
fingers entwine together with no words to say.
Our lips meet sweetly like the taste of summer wine,
fruit ripens on a tree, so sweet, to find you are mine.
Giving you everything you deserve
Holding nothing back in reserve
Our wills become twinned in such sweet time
Our hearts bear each others sign
Can we hold this moment precious for all time,
the moment when we found, I am yours and you are mine.
Deciding whether we still go out and to stay in,
a first date to remember, where both our hearts did win.
Every part of you, a majestic mystery
My mind longing to know your wish
Longing for that sweet, gentle kiss
Your lips move but it's my heart, that is listening,
while outside, a pallid moon is glistening.
I feel such a need to please you,
to show how this dream can become true.
A shooting star chases the night
My eyes catch yours, a breathless sight
My heart skips a subtle beat
My cheeks flush with a slow heat
I seem to end up this way each time we meet,
my heart skipping its own way, off down the street.
Our night together has only just begun,
with hearts beating fast beneath a moonlit sun.
I lean so close to you, my fingers brush your face
Teasing your lips tenderly, my heart starts to race
Feeling emotions rushing deep within
Thoughts outpacing my will again
Our eyes meet and we don't want to look away,
fingers entwine together with no words to say.
Our lips meet sweetly like the taste of summer wine,
fruit ripens on a tree, so sweet, to find you are mine.
Giving you everything you deserve
Holding nothing back in reserve
Our wills become twinned in such sweet time
Our hearts bear each others sign
Can we hold this moment precious for all time,
the moment when we found, I am yours and you are mine.
Deciding whether we still go out and to stay in,
a first date to remember, where both our hearts did win.
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Comments54
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Okay, so I can't add a critique the normal way, so here it is: As a whole the poem is nice. It flows well and is just well written. That being said, there are a few instances where you could work on. In the opening stanza for instance, you repeat 'longing'. That's not a bad thing but the repetition is really close to each other. There are a couple other places where the punctuation seems wrong but that isn't my call. You can always use punctuation for dramatic effect if you want to. Any way, like I said, I like it. Great job!